S is for... SNAILS

(c)2009 Sarah B / Planet-Tharg

Plant eating bastards


So.. after finding that most of the green-stuff in my garden was being eaten by snails. I decided
to assert my dominence. I decided not to use the shotgun on these creatures, even the webley
No3 garden gun would have made a real mess of them! I went out every day for a couple of
weeks, and soon learned all those damp dark places where they sit and wait to pounce out on
the un-suspecting shrubbery. Most nights I collected only ten or twenty of them. Although one
busy night I collected over a hundred!

After interrogation they all pleaded guilty and were sentanced accordingly. Some tried to escape,
and I had to chase after them, and get them back into the prison-bucket until it was their turn
to take a flying lesson. Using a piece of wood, two nails, a large elastic-band and a steel rule I built
and calibrated a catapault-ramp. I could deliver snails of most weights to a distance of sixty feet
with an acccuracy of around ten feet. and sent them all into the same neighbour's garden.